Features
From the Past: OITM 5th Birthday
Views: Quest for Integrity of Body and Soul
Passing of Influences
by E. J. Haley
So often the people, the places, and the
institutions to which we cleave seem to pass into memory just when we
have begun to be shaped by their influence. As I have often done before,
I once again find myself taking stock in the progress of my character
by looking out over the long string of "good-byes" I've said
in my lifetime.
What
merit does the passing of influences from our lives impress upon the human
soul? The merit is beyond reflection itself, reaching far into the properties
of learning and wisdom gained.
But the sadness there is an equally
indelible mark, and serves the purpose of teacher.
The quality of the word "good-bye"
is not the bitterness of parting itself, but the anticipation of reflection
in the person's absence, and all the influence - be it joy or misery -
which they have brought into our lives.
For my part, I believe that someone
rich in influence from whom to draw emulation is someone rich, indeed.
Whatever we lack in character or originality is made up for in the ability
to draw from the lessons others have taught us passively. To emulate the
best qualities of others is not a betrayal of original thought; rather,
it is the recognition and use of our own capacity to better ourselves.
I have drawn much influence
from the people I have met in my life. The lessons I take from my experiences
have made me who I am today. And for all the pain it caused me to say
good-bye to some, the memory of them will stay with me and influence me
forever.
I spent much of my life wrestling
with the pain of regret; where the choices I made, in some cases, caused
the very partings I'd hoped would never come. The resulting absence of
joy taught me a valuable lesson: there is no greater waste of life than
to dwell in regret for things we cannot change.
I owe much to the poet who wrote,
"Sing like no one is listening. Dance like no one is watching."
Those words, like the memory of those with whom I have shared laughter
and joy, lifted me out of a great fog and began at once to help my spirit
soar high upon the sunbathed wind of reason and creativity.
But for a writer, out of regret and
good-byes often comes inspiration.
A writer's greatest gift is to be
able to capture in words the properties of the human condition. A writer,
as much as any painter, is an artist. The picture that emerges from a
writer's canvas portrays the breadth of his or her experiences; reflecting
the influences of love, joy, sadness, hatred, and fondest memories that
have shaped his or her character and talent.
Ralph Waldo Emerson suggested that
a writer's merit isn't found in the extent of one's talent, but in how
much of one's character and perception of the world is reflected in the
words.
But I believe what shapes our merit
most of all is the "good-byes" we say - particularly as writers.
For it is in parting from the people who influence us the most that we
find the most poignant moments in our memory.
As writers and poets, we owe to the
beauty of our prose the thanks of those who read it - and the blessing
of those who inspire it.
My inspiration here comes from the
many wonderful people I have had the pleasure of knowing and working with,
if only briefly, who represent the GLBT community through this publication.
To them and to all of you I offer my fondest affection and thanks.
My relationship with Out In The Mountains
has not been long - only the past few months. But in my brief association
with this paper, I have come to know talent and expertise with which it
has been my great honor to be acquainted.
Our community owes to OITM's legacy
a tremendous debt. For the quality of its reporting, its prose and poetry,
I've chosen to use this month's column as my personal salute to all of
the writers, artists and quality folks who through this publication brought
a tremendous voice to Vermont's GLBT community for 21 years. It is my
sincere hope that OITM will continue to live through its own legacy, in
the memory of those who have been loyal readers, and - with some fortune
- the efforts of those who may one day revive it.
E. J. Haley is an artist and a writer living just over the border
of Vermont in nearby Granville, New York. To send feedback on this column
to the author, write to ej@mountainpridemedia.org, or visit E. J. online
at www.myspace.com/ejhaley.
photo provided by E. J. Haley.